Bill O'Reilly and Good Home Training

Scene 1- Conservative Fox News Pundit Bill O'Reilly, apparently to broaden his horizons (what?), went to lunch with Rev. Al Sharpton at the renowed restaurant, Sylvia's, in Harlem. Later, when describing the experience on his radio show, O'Reilly claimed to be surprised "that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it was run by Blacks." He also expressed shock that "there wasn't one person in Sylvia's screaming, 'M-fer, I want more iced tea.'"

Scene 2 - On my way home from work on the Green Line in DC one afternoon, the train car was boarded by a large, loud group of teenaged girls. These young, Black girls were either fighting with each other, or pretending to, either way, for the 10 minutes they were on the train, we were all favored with an embarassingly profane, ear-splitting display of ignorance. When they finally exited the train, a White man across the car from me fixed me, a Black male adult in shirt and tie, in his disapproving gaze. Of course, my first thought was, "why the fuck are you looking at me?"

I really despair for race relations in this country these days. There seems to be a whole lot of Black and White people talking, stating positions, but not too many people understanding why other people are upset. And this issue of conduct and civilty brings it up again. White people, like Matt Lauer of the Today show, fail to understand why some Blacks were offended by O'Reilly's expressions of pleasant surprise. Well, I'll field that one:

O'Reilly, who claims to speak with authority on everything he speaks about, is surprised that there is a place where Blacks act with civility. Where they don't screech curses at one another. AND I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL COMPLIMENTED BY THAT? Bill, as I've always suspected, you speak at length on topics you know nothing of. Stop acting like an authority on anything. However, I encourage you to continue your outings into the Secret, Well-Behaved Heart of the Black Community. We will continue to surprise you, I promise.

Scene 2 is more dificult for me to comment on. On one hand, these girls' behavior is probably one of the reasons that ignoramuses like O'Reilly and the Staring Guy have their tragic misconceptions about the conduct of African Americans. On the other hand, I used to cut up on the bus with my friends when I was a teenager. On the other hand, I don't think we were ever that loud or cursed that much or that pointlessly. On the other hand, if these kids got any attention from their absent/overworked parents, maybe they wouldn't crave it so much from strangers on a train. And on and on...

I was raised in Southeast Washington, D.C., an area in the city considered the poorest and least-educated. People view you differently in this area when you say you're from Southeast. So when I entered the work-world, I made a concerted effort to speak eloquently, use my vocabulary, and not curse to exreme. I haven't always been successful, but I'd like to think I've done my part to change the pre-conceptions of some Bill O'Reillys I've me along the way, in some small part.

I know that you're young, girls, and the odds are against you, but you might find your life is ultimately easier if you don't spend so much time playing, and being, the fool.

Rhymes with "Betray Us"

For months now, we had been told that the true results of the President's seemingly pointless troop surge would be made apparent in a report General David Petraeus in September. Given the increasing news that we had been receiving about sectarian violence and the hopeless Iraqi government, it seemed a foregone conclusion that this report would be bleak.



Ah, but you forget who we're dealing with here. General Petraeus stated that the surge had provided US troops with a "tactical momentum" that they will continue to exploit, he sees that the Iraqi government will improve on hitting its US-mandated benchmarks. And finally, he threw us a bone: There could be a drawdown of up to 5 platoons by summer 2008. Whoo-whee!


When asked the inevitable question of whether the White House vhad exercised any influence on his report, Petraeus indignantly stated that he had "written the report himself." He didn't mention having REwritten the report, after getting notes from Bush and his neocon advisors. Because we know that Bush NEVER would try to skew facts his way.

Of course, as with anything in this misbegotten, pointless war, all good news must come with bad news. Because, in fact, the reason these that these 5 platoons are not going to be replaced is that there are no troops at the ready to replace them. That's NO troops at the ready to replace them.

So after weeks of build-up, Petraeus' report offers nothing substantial that could truly change the course of the war. It has offered instead just another anti-climax. Another false hope. Thanks a lot, General.

UPDATE:

MoveOn.org, you devils you! You bit my style! I had the whole "Petraeus/betray us" thing at least three days before you! Give some credit where credit's due. And Bush calling you guys out in that press conference for supposedly hurting the General's fragile feelings, well, I'd have loved some of that action.

And, hey, 22 Democrats who voted for the resolution wagging the finger at MoveOn, let me put it plainly: YOU'RE GUTLESS TURDS. How many times are you gonna let Bush and the GOP set the agenda and put you on the defensive with irrelevant bullshit? FOREVER. The weak, indecisive behavior of the Democrats has given Bush the only victory in Iraq he cares about now: no drawdown.

I was filled with optimism last year when the Dems took control in Congress. But what are they controlling? They cannot sway enough Republicans to their side to beat a Bush veto on anything. Okay, I understand. But why not make a bold move, and do something that will put heat on Bush even if you lose? IMPEACH HIS ASS. Yeah, something like that. But you won't, will you? Sigh. Betrayal, indeed.

Larry Craig and the Secret Handshake (or Foot-Tap, or Wave...)

Like they say in the commercial, life comes at you fast.

One day, you're a conservative Republican senator from Idaho, toiling in relative obscurity, fighting the good fight against tolerance and common sense. The next day, thanks to some nosy damned reporter, you are the most famous (or infamous) congressman in the land. A loathsome hypocrite to the Left, a disgusting deviant to your former friends on the Right. This is the fate of soon-to-be Former Idaho Senator Larry Craig.

Craig, as we all know, was arrested in the Minneapolis airport in June for attempting to solicit for a sex act in the men's room. He pled guilty, hoping against hope that no one would find out that this staunch family values guy was cruising the airport stalls. But last week, news of Craig's arrest was uncovered, and another one bites the dust. While us liberals quietly shake our heads at the self-hating, denial-ridden, closeted man, former allies like Mitt Romney and John McCain want his name stricken from the history books like Joe Stalin used to do. And finding he had support NOWHERE, Craig opted to bail out this past weekend.
Now I'm not getting overly exercised by the Craig fiasco. There are still enough months left this year for another right wing hypocrite to become embarrassed and exposed. Maybe two. No, what I find most fascinating about this particular incidence is how it exposed mainstream America, and the mainstream Media, to the culture of closeted, furtive gay men looking for trysts in public places.

We all heard about George Michael and his arrest for dabbling in LA mens rooms, but by the time we heard, he was a has-been, so people kind of laughed it off, like Gary Coleman working as a security guard. And he was British, anyway. Who knows what they get up to? But Larry Craig gave most of us pause. How could he know about this stuff? He's from IDAHO, for God's sake!

I remember reading about polari, the slang used by homosexuals in England in the 1950's (I think I first heard it used in connection to a Morrissey record in the 80's). For example, if a gay man wanted compliment another, he would say the man was "bona to vada," or good to look at. How this has moved, over the years, to a complex series of foot-taps and hand gestures, is I suppose, not surprising.

Things are, I imagine, very difficult for a married man on the down low (and I'll only use that tired phrase once). But, for some reason, the urban gay male subculture has always left room for the solicitation of anonymous (and often unprotected) sex. And apparently, rest stops, restrooms, and parks are prime locations.

I have been in the mens rooms at Washington, DC's Union Station (an alleged location of another of Craig's solicitations), and found the sexual tension there to be thicker than on the third season of Moonlighting. I felt uncomfortable, and got out as quickly as I could. Although I imagine sneaking covert sex acts with unknown partners might be exciting for a while, certainly, in the long term, it isn't healthy, either emotionally or physically. So, it is my hope that Larry Craig, soon to be unemployed and with plenty of time to reflect on the mistakes he's made, will free his wife from their sham of a marriage and use his new national fame to seek out a partner that is more suitable to his needs. IF he'll find a gay man to take him.

Most UNWanted: Black Refugees

I read the other day that Israel will no longer be accepting refugees from the Darfur region of the Sudan. Apparently, these people, having escaped their war-ravaged country, make their way north and cross into Israel at the Egyptian border to seek asylum there. As Israel was founded by refugees of the Nazi Holocaust, they obviously expected sympathetic treatment as victims of one of the dozen or so African Holocausts of the last twenty or so years. Not so. Israel, without explanation (really was one needed?), has anounced its policy to return all apprehended refugees to Darfur, despite any claims for asylum.

Israel has a unique place among the nations of the world. Surrounded as they are by other countries dead set on destroying them, maintaining their internal security must be a paramount issue. But the flip side of that is, they seem to feel that they are above any criticism. But as we have seen in the past couple of years, when the government's hard-line policies drove the Palestinians right into the arms of the terror-supporting Hammas, they are not infallible.

There may be other issues at work here that I am missing. The Israeli government's refusal to comment doesn't help. All I know is that the governments of the world all seem to harden their hearts when those seeking refuge happen to have black skin. For years, the United States government welcomed any Cuban immigrants who could get here by boat, raft, or driftwood. But those fleeing the crushing poverty and oppressive regimes of Haiti were sent back there without much sympathy for their pleas. Lesson to Haitians: get those relatives in South Florida to organize politically ASAP!

There is a lot of demonization in the US right now of those desperate enough to illegally enter a more prosperous country to improve the quality of their lives. I don't wonder if the same thing isn't taking place in Israel now. But for all the desperate international entreaties for more widespread involvement in helping the victims of Darfur, the policy seems to change when those victims show up your door. No surprise.

They've Stolen the President's Brain!

Well, not stolen so much. Karl Rove, the venal, porcine Deputy Chief of Staff, often referred to as "Bush's Brain," left the White House, and Bush's employ, in Marine One yesterday. And "good riddance" doesn't even approach my emotions on this topic.

Even with the feverish rash of departures by rats... er, Bush staffers leaving their jobs to "spend more time with their families," it was long assumed that Rove would be the last to go. He had been with the man since his governor's races in Texas. If nothing else, he had the Bush Legacy to look out for. Well, screw that, Rove apparently said. He's cashing out. He has expensive speeches to give, a purported book to shop, and supoenas to dodge. The Bush Legacy (repeat after me: WORST FUCKING PRESIDENT EVER) will have to look out for itself.

What made Rove such a bastard? Gee, I don't know. Ask Valerie Plame. It was not, as suggested by some last night, that Rove put gaining, and increasing, political power above governing. They all do that. It was that Rove didn't even bother trying to make it appear otherwise. When Hurricane Katrina ripped up the Gulf Coast nearly two years ago, the simplest thing to do would've been to put the President in New Orleans as quickly as possible, helping the poor and displaced. But nope. Couldn't be bothered. Not until the political outcry became too loud to ignore.

And the War. Jesus, the War. Although I view Rove as unalloyed evil, I almost have to respect the way he played the hapless, foolish Democrats during the run-up to the Iraq War. "If you don't support our war, you must support the terrorists." It worked then. And it works today, if just in the dim cranial recesses of that solid 29% that still approves of Bush's job performance. Democrats bowed their heads and went along. And those that did still have explaining to do. Way to hobble the competition, Turd Blossom.

(Oh, and whenever I see that footage of Rove flailing about the stage as "MC Rove," at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, I am filled with so much rage I want to break all the furniture in whatever room I'm in.)

So let Karl go to collect his reward. His successes have long since soured into failures. But don't feel sorry for our lost, brainless President. You don't need a brain for what he plans on spending the next year and a half doing. I foresee plenty of legislative and policy inaction, more civil rights abuses and domestic spying, more claims of executive privilege and war, war, war. Forgive me if I keep looking at the clock.

A Good Stat

We Black folks have known it for generations: Statistics are not our friends. Test scores, prison records, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, figures on all of these are used to reflect the often sorry state of affairs in the Black community. Just a couple of weeks ago, a statistic was released stating that 46% (FORTY-SIX PERCENT!) of African American males in my home state, Maryland, dropped out of high school. I've got three sons, how do you think that made me feel?

I comfort myself by repeating that stats can be used to prove anything, but hearing so much bad news brings a cynical fatigue.George W. Bush's approval ratings are in the low 30's, you tell me? Why the hell are they still THAT high, I'll say.

Anyway, last night I heard a stat that put a smile on my face.Black enlistment in the military has fallen 38% since the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have begun. Other job prospects and the influence of friends and family members already in the military are attributed to this drop in enlistment. But the major factor in this drop is the unpopularity of these wars, especially the war in Iraq.

And my reply to these figures is: ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME. Recruitment for Bush's Sham War of Aggression (Iraq) should be through the floor, across the board. Recruitment is up among Latinos and other races, and I'm not celebrating that. But given the fact that the Pentagon has lowered standards so much that even a 42-year-old, 290-pound functional illiterate is still getting a look from recruiters, it's good to see that there's one segment of the population the spiel isn't working on.

Years ago, when I went to see the movie, Glory, about the efforts of Black Union soldiers to be accepted during the Civil War, I had two thoughts. The first was, what was Matthew Broderick doing starring in a movie about Black Union soldiers. The second was, Denzel, Morgan, if you only knew what the result of your fight would be. After years of fighting the US military's reluctance to put weapons into the hands of downtrodden Blacks, Vietnam saw African American soldiers welcomed. To the front lines. As America waged an increasingly unpopular war, whose "goodness" was questioned, and the scions of the wealthy and powerful were hiding out in the National Guard ranks, this country went to war with the army it had, increasingly Black and poor. I am encouraged to no end to see that enough opportunities are opening up that stepping into a Middle East meat grinder isn't such an option anymore.

But the news can't be all positive.As recruitment drops and tours are extended and the military gets over-extended, there will be misguided cries to reinstate the draft (Charlie Rangel: Shut the hell up!). One would think Bush wouldn't call for the return of the draft, but don't be surprised, kids. He doesn't have shit to lose at this point. For the time being though, you're safe, young people. So if you see a recruiting officer when you're walking down the street... Walk on by.

Sex, Money, & Ignorance

Nearing the end of Paris Hilton's jail term for VIOLATING PROBATION (no, apologists, she was NOT sent to jail "just" for drunken driving), I have an admission to make. As I watched the news footage of her that Friday, sitting in the back of that police cruiser, sobbing her eyes out, I felt, for a moment, the merest twinge of sympathy. It passed quickly, but it proved one thing to me: Even schadenfreude has its limits.

There are reasons to hate Paris Hilton, and they are many. She is moronic. She is talentless. She is ubiquitous. She is, by most accounts, promiscuous. She is likely a racist and a homophobe. And, as a person born to wealth that she did not earn, she feels entitled to do as she pleases.

All of these are valid reasons. But I think, for me, things are a little more complex. Because I feel that Hilton typifies America's three obsessions in the 00's: Sex, Money, and Ignorance. When I say sex, I mean sex stripped of all subtlety and meaning and rendered in its cheapest, most base aspect. Like, say, suggestively eating a hamburger in a bathing suit while washing a car. When I say money, I mean the pursuit of lucre not through honest effort, but through cheap, cynical dodges like seeking to charge a nightclub for the privilege of hosting your Get Out of Jail Party. And when I say ignorance, I mean giggling vacantly while you're being videotaped dancing at a party, and comparing yourself to a "n****r from Englewood."

While Hilton's been serving her time, we've heard two different accounts of how it's been going. In the first, she is totally losing her shit, freaking out because, even under the comparatively cushy administrative segregation she's under in jail, she's living in a cell that could fit in her walk-in closet. In the second, she's taking calls from Baba Wawa, waxing reflectively about how she's tired of allowing herself to be portrayed in the media as a vapid idiot. Let me clear my throat. BWA-HAH-HAH.

A person as hooked on sex, money, and ignorance as Paris Hilton is is gonna take a lot more than a couple weeks in jail to turn herself around. At the very least, she'll need a couple more weeks. But more likely, we'll see her before Independence Day, openly smoking weed in front of papparazzi, snickering like Muttley behind some greasy pig like Brandon Davis, promoting some crap to people deserving of nothing more than crap. If we were serious about changing her life, she'd just go away for a while and spare us her presence. But you know we could never be that lucky.

Illegal Immigration: a Topic that Defies Easy Blogging

The Blog World is not generally a world of gray areas. The Blogosphere is filled with clearly drawn heroes and villains, with very little in between. Most bloggers either think Bush is a lousy President, or they love him. They think Lost is through, or they're cautiously looking forward to its next few seasons. They either think Lindsay Lohan is an alkie, or they think she's a cokehead. Everything is either the Best. Thing. Ever. Or it sux. It's a simplistic approach, but so far, it's keeping asses in the seats.



Believe it or not, though, there are some topics out there that defy a simple black-and-white categorization. I know! But it's true. For me, one of those topics is illegal immigration. I'd like to stake out my spot on the left, and welcome all illegal emigres to America with open arms, but certain aspects of this issue make such a blanket endorsement difficult. In fact, most areas of the immigration issue should raise "yes, but" pitfalls for the Right and the Left. For example:

- American jobs are being "taken away" by the scores of undocumented workers in our country. BUT... As every hack comic on Comedy Central knows, these are back-breaking, low-paying jobs that no self-respecting native-born American would look to have. And besides that, big businesses regularly overlook their employees immigration status, only to exploit them even more.

-I completely reject efforts by the Right to demonize all Southern and Central American immigrants ('cause all illegal immigrants are from South of the Border, right?) as criminal rejects and deadly gang members. BUT... Because so much of undocumented immigration goes on underground, there are criminals who willfully prey on those seeking to enter the US. They should be cracked down on.

- And these jingoistic morons who get agitated because someone translates the National Anthem into Spanish? Are you kidding me? If there's a bigger non-issue than this to me... It's gay marriage. But anyway, who gives two shits about the National Anthem, anyway? Fuck the Anthem. BUT... Do I wish most imigrants who work in the public sector sought to have a greater command of the English language? Sure. Honestly, if I was working in Guatemala, I'd try to learn the language.

- These bordertown-dwelling racists who clutch their shotguns and make threats against women and children who pass through their land on the way to a hoped-for better life? I hope you get your wall separating you from Mexico? And then I hope they keep building. Building another wall to separate me from YOU. BUT... I don't know how I'd greet desperate, hungry people crossing my property in the middle of the night. I'd like to think I'd meet them with charity, but who knows?

- CNN's anti-immigration firebrand, Lou Dobbs, rails against illegals, for everything from raising the crime stats along the border, to importing diseases like leprosy. BUT... According to a recent 60 Minutes profile, Dobbs is married to a Mexican woman, so he can't be racist. Right?!

- The LAPD are storm-trooping scum. No buts there, at all. It's just the truth.

Hopefully, you get the message. In seeking to resolve the immigration issue, there seems to be no one solution that will satisfy everybody. And that's probably good. I doubt there is a resolution to this mess that is fair to everyone.

Note the Sarcasm

The Lord Our God, after restraining himself for 73 years, finally called home his beloved servant, the Reverend Jerry Falwell, on May 15th. One hopes that Reverend Falwell will discover as soon as possible how the Almighty feels about Falwell claiming to speak for Him all these years.

Lesson: If you do dumb shit, you might have to pay for it

It's true. If you do something that is stupid, selfish, vicious, or irresponsible, you just might be held to pay for it. Don Imus found out. Paris "Bottom Bitch" Hilton is gonna learn it soon. But there were a couple more worth commenting on in the past few days. Let's air 'em out:

1)Chris Albrecht: The Boss of HBO, apparently anxious for some fisticuffs of his own following the Mayweather/De La Hoya fight in Las Vegas last weekend, decided to rough up a female friend in front of the MGM Grand. He was subsequently arrested for choking and attempting to drag the woman who was described as his girlfriend.

In the days following, Albrecht's past dirty laundry was aired pretty quickly. In 1991, a woman was paid $400,000 to settle a claim over alleged abuse by Albrecht. Additionally, rumors of other women this guy allegedly roughed up came out. Funny how now of this ugly stuff came out until AFTER he was arrested.

Albrecht is credited with green-lighting the phenomenal original programming of HBO over the years. Programming that has set the standard for quality television series throughout the industry. But has he been sending us a message with his programming choices? Tony Soprano and his buddies at the Bada-Bing strip club in Jersey, Al Swearengen and his whore-mongering competition on Deadwood, are some of the ugliest (if most complex) misogynists on display in recent memory. Vince Chase and his Entourage buddies treat women as nothing more than ornaments to display their success. And Big Love concerns a schlub of a guy who happens to have three wives. Is there a pattern here? I mean, sure, Albrecht also brought us Sex and the City, but he expended a greater effort trying to develop a male-point-of-view counterpart to that show (the Mind of a Married Man?) than a duplicate of it and its success.

Anyway, Albrecht is history now. Good riddance. He'll complete some bullshit rehab program, maybe do a PSA, and he'll have another job within a year. The woman will be offered a sizable monetary settlement. And HBO... Well, HBO, everything will be all right with us, long as you don't fool with the Wire.

2)Akon: There's plenty of bad things you can say about Akon. He fudges his age (claims 25, when he's closer to 35). He thugs out his songs too much, trying to get get street cred. He's, um... homely? But lately, he's been dealing with rumors that he's something a whole lot worse: a molester of underaged girls.

On a concert tour for his recent smash hit album, Akon had been regularly doing a bit in concert every night. I may be fuzzy on details, but I believe it goes like this: Before the show, Akon's people canvass the audience for females willing to participate in a dance contest. Later, during the concert, after the winner has been crowned, the singer and his posse mime roughly having sex with the woman onstage, going through a number of positions. No, I don't know whether they then mime throwing her underneath a bus.

Such is the life of a music star today. Two things, however, made this little bit of business more trouble than it was worth. First of all, during a concert in Trinidad, Akon performed this routine with a 15-year-old girl. Ooops! You can probably still see it on YouTube or somewhere if you're so inclined. It's kind of ugly. He said he didn't know how old she was. Make of that what you will.

The second, less discussed factor that conspired to damage Akon's burgeoning career was the fact that he was probably getting more famous from this album than he expected to. His first record blew up, but not like this one. Vibe covers, touring with pop singer Gewn Stefani, appearing on American Idol (whoo-hoo!). Even my four-year-old son was singing, "I see you windin', grindin', out on the floor..."Dude was getting big. But behavior that might be cool for niche artists like,say, Elephant Man or Sizzla to act out onstage, are frowned upon by major pop stars. Akon became a victim of his own success.

The blogosphere went wild (ANOTHER R. KELLY!). Trinidadian authorities mumbled vaguely about looking into it. Akon shrugged. At least until the money people got involved. Verizon, the corporate sponsor of the Stefani/Akon tour, wary of the slightest whiff of their company being associated with shady sex practices, withdrew their sponsorship from the tour. And, as usual, when money gets involved, everything changes. Akon quickly issued a more detailed, definitive apology.

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